(The picture is actually of Samantha's birth)
I have chosen a great moment in my life to illustrate a point.
The Birth of Bailey
The birth of Bailey is one of many of my fondest moments. My mom always told me her exciting labor stories and I was excited to have my own! I dreamed of making early morning phone calls to wake people out of bed! The night before he was born we ate at Casa Bonita with family and I hoped what people had said about eating spicy food was true and it would kick labor into action ;)! I started having contractions at 4 a.m. in the morning. Labor went on at home for awhile and Derrick and I decided we would go walking to help labor along. So, as we were about to head out the door my water broke and he rushed me to the hospital at 5 p.m. It was so exciting! We had a doula and we had called her. She and my mom assisted me with other friends and family. It was great because I love being around my loved ones. MANY friends and family came up to the hospital while I was in labor. I felt so loved! Even our pastor came and prayed. Because we had a doula I was allowed to take a shower while in labor and walk around the hospital, have a birthing ball, she massaged me and applied hot rocks to my back. So did my mother-in-law, mom, and Derrick. The doula turned the lights down and let Derrick and me have some time alone together as labor progressed. Derrick held my hand and applied a wash cloth to my head and took care of what I needed. He was so sweet. It was time to have Bailey and Derrick informed the doctors. Soon our precious baby was in our arms. I cannot describe how awesome it was. They took Bailey to bathe him and many other things and brought him back. I was starving after that as I had been in labor for 23 hours all together (though I had eaten earlier in the day). Because he was born at 3:18 a.m. (this is before some who were not there got called!) the cafeteria was not yet opened. But, I had the BEST sandwich, chips, Chip's Ahoy chocolate chips, and cranberry juice in the world. And, later, my mama brought my beloved Taco Bueno! Then came the best nap in the world. I enjoyed being fed and taken care of and even waking in the middle of the night to care for our precious baby and having Derrick there at the bedside. Many visitors came and brought flowers, balloons, and gifts for the baby. Also, we got gourmet food (I got a Filet mignon and Derrick had a nice chicken entree). Then came the awesome meals at home that our family and church family brought. I have the sweetest memories of all our children's births.
Here is the flip side
Derrick went to work until the contractions got more intense and I called him home. I did labor at home for awhile and wanted to but there was a lot of confusion about whether I should stay at home or go to the hospital (some felt strongly that I should go right away) and I cried about it. Going in to labor was really exciting but it was also really scary! I was afraid of the pain. I had decided not to get an epidural (which I really think would trouble me more as I hate needles! However, I did watch a video and sign up for it just in case I got desperate! The only time I cried in all of labor is when they did my I.V. I am a baby when it comes to needles. The i.v. burned really bad because they messed up.) And the horrible pain of the contractions was there. I do love being around my loved ones but let me tell you, if they even so much as whispered when I had a contraction it increased my pain greatly. At one point someone was eating graham crackers. My eyes were closed and it took all my energy just to say, "Whoever is doing that has to stop!" Later I found out it was my doula! Also, friends and family came back from dinner with cups from places I so badly wished I could've been eating from. The hot rocks, I still stand by! They were pretty awesome! Derrick was sweet and took good care of me. The look in his eyes...I remember I could tell he felt sorry for me. When we were alone I didn't even know we were alone (I had a half a dose of staydol- so I was a little loopy) and my eyes were closed. I would tell him I was hot or that I needed my pillow moved and he would set to do it. So, every time he let go of my hand to do it I would tell him to stop and to keep holding my hand. The pain would intensify if he let go of my hand. I couldn't understand why he wasn't telling someone else to do it because I didn't know we were alone. Finally, I didn't know what I was talking about but I said, "Derrick, I need to have this babv right now. Right now!" I actually thought I'd be laying there for many more hours but just wished I could have the baby then. I had agreed to take pitocin which brings labor on hard because I was not progressing well on my own (dilating) and 24 hours after my water had been broken I would possibly be facing a c-section and the time was ticking (yet, moving ever so slowly), so we needed to speed it up. Also, I had gone 5 days over my due date (the longest 5 days ever!). I told Derrick earlier, "I can handle the pain. What I can't handle is that I feel like I'm being beat up (because the painful contractions just kept coming and not giving me much time to rest. When I told him I felt like I needed to have the baby he just panicked! He started pressing buttons. He actually pressed the code blue button which means someone is dying! All the "peace" we had vanished! Which is a good thing because it really was time! I remember at this point I opened my eyes to see a spotlight and a whole bunch of doctors and nurses running toward me. A nurse checked me to see how much I was dilated. She whispered but I heard her say loud and clearly, "She's at a 10!" So, I was ready to give birth. Here was the troubling thing- the doctor was not. He was not even there! They called him out of bed and he rushed to the hospital. But, still, I was ready to push and they made me hold the baby in for 20 minutes until the doctor arrived! This was not an easy thing to do. When I did get to push it took about 5 minutes and it was so amazing meeting our little Bailey. However, I only got to hold him for a little bit and he was passed around to every one else. I longed to have him back. Then the nurses took him away for a looong time but I can only half complain about that because I was extremely tired and very hungry! I ate and then went to sleep. When they did bring him back to us he was not even bathed which was one of the reasons they took him! He still had blood in his hair and I (like a momma cat) licked my fingers and cleaned his hair. But, of course, this meant they had to take him again to bathe him shortly after. I always missed him when they took him to the nursery. Yes, we did get gourmet food twice but I didn't know we could have ordered most of our meals off of the gourmet menu until the last two meals! Oh, and Derrick tried to sleep next to me but couldn't get comfortable so he moved to a horribly uncomfortable recliner and still couldn't get comfortable. So, then he made pallet on the hospital floor (Poor guy :( )
I have attempted to do what Linda Dillow did in her book, Calm My Anxious Heart (really good book!) I left any negatives out of the first part. She did this with a story to illustrate a point. The point is that you can do this with anything in life. You can choose to dwell on the positives or you can choose to dwell on the negatives. Now, the whole story I cherish even with the negatives now that it's all over right? They are precious memories but, hopefully, you understand my point that the first part sounds more "glamorous." Linda says you can write a "glowing" list of positives in your life, and you can then write a list of "sobering negatives. Then she emphasizes that both lists are true but the focus of each list is different. She challenges the reader to make a list of positives and negatives that God has allowed in their lives. Then she asks, ""Which list do you spend the majority of your time dwelling on?" She talks about what the Bible says about contentment, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Phillipians 4:6). She talks of one woman's "prescription for contentment":
"*Never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather.
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
*Never compare your lot with another's.
*Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
*Never dwell on tomorrow- remember that [tomorrow] is God's, not ours. "
Friend, if you are reading this blog, I am praying these things for you as well as myself.
She goes on to say that most of us base our contentment on our circumstances, feelings or other people but that true contentment is separate from our circumstances and a state of our heart. Here, she writes Pauls words, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. (Phillipians 4:11-13). I'm going to include some quotes from her:
"How does God enable us to be content? He infuses contentment into us through His Word. As it seeps into our minds, it transforms us. Just as a cup of tea gets stronger when we give it time to steep, so we become more content when we spend time in God's Word and allow it to seep into our lives, transforming us to be like Him."
She tells about a young bride that thought it would be exciting and romantic after marrying her Marine husband and going to live in foreign countries and travel the globe. After two years, she became lonely and deeply discontented. She wrote a letter full of complaints to her mom. Her mom wrote back only two lines, "Two women looked through prison bars. One saw mud, the other saw stars." Linda says, "This wise woman was telling her daughter a secret to contentment. Each or us has a choice about how we look at life: We can focus on the mud or lift our eyes and see the stars. Every woman has circumstances that appear to be prison bars. God wants you and me to learn to be content in our circumstances, not when they improve."
She quotes a verse that I have said before I love! "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)"
"Proverbs 23:7 says, "As he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (KJV). The writer and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way: " Beware of what you dwell on for that you shall surely become." How convicting! We become what we think. Our thought life- not our circumstances- determines whether we are content. Our thought life- not our friends, husband, children, job or anything else- determines our contentment!
She talks about God creating our personality: "For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb" (verse 13). In Hebrew, "inmost being" signifies the seat of the desires and longings, the personality. Even before David was born, God shaped his personality. Likewise, when God was forming you, He created not only your body but also your emotional makeup- your personality. David is so overwhelmed by these truths that he breaks into praise: " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderfu, I know that full well" (verse 14). Have you ever thanked your Creator for His loving supervision of your creation? Have you praised Him for creating your personality?"
She talks about God creating our body. "We women analyze, scrutinize, and compare to see how we stack up to the supermodel in her skimpy bathing suit. I never come out looking very good. When we compare ourselves with others, we're told we are without understanding. (2 Corinthians 10:12. "
"...the Almighty Creator of the universe prepared a purpose for us to walk in. God acted with definite purpose when He created you because He had a plan for you to fulfill. How loved and unique your are! All of your abilities-and your disabilities- were created to fit the unique plan God has for you. No one can fulfill your purpose but you.And God's plan for you and His plan for me embrace far more than the events or circumstances that happen to us. They also embrace what God wants us to be and do and what He desires to do in and through us."
"When I'm not pleased with the talents, gifts, and abilities God gave me, I remind myself that He is the Blessed Controller of all things (1 Timothy 6:15). IF I believe this, I also must believe tht God is the Blessed Controller of my "all things." My appearance. My personality. My gifts and talents. In my heart of hearts I long to please God, and it pleases Him when I am content with how He created me. Perhaps you, too, want to be content, yet you hear the voices that say, "Be successful. Be popular. Be beautiful. Be perfect." Oh, my dear friend, stop listening to the voices. Listen to God's voice: "Is He not your Father, your Creator, who made you and formed you? (Deuteronomy 32:6)
"Your hands shaped me and made me...Remember that you molded me like clay....Did you not....clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with the bones and sinews? (Job 10: 8-11)
