https://sarahagerty.net/2015/06/how-to-love-a-man/

“Sometimes you have to have a history of what not to do before the doing becomes something driven more by your heart than the playbook.

So I mastered what not to do.”

Our 16th Anniversary

By Derrick:

This Dear Saint.

A bittersweet day. A funeral/anniversary day.

Anniversary first:

Today, I celebrate life with my bride of 16 years. Here’s our track record since June 29th, 2002: 1 apartment, 3 houses, 6 jobs, 4 deployments (away from home 345 days), 10 vehicles, 3 cats, 1 dog, 6 fish, and 1 hermit crab. 5 church families, 7 kids (3 boys, 3 girls, 1 ??? - due in August), and multiple ER visits. 34 college semesters, 7 degrees, and 11 majors (ha!). 1 political campaign and 3 years in office. Vacations to Branson, Hawaii, Mexico, both coasts, and the gulf. All the major theme parks from Disneyland to Sea-world, SilverDollarCity and Frontier City. Good times of laughing and sad times of tears. Hard times of disagreement and happy times of joy. Weddings and funerals. Birthdays more than I can count...but if I had to try, I think it’s 87 within our family alone. I love her more today than I did the day I met her. Amber is truly a saint. I say all of this - not to boast (read that again), but to count my blessings, and more importantly today, to reflect...

Funeral:

Ironically, today is also the home-going funeral service of a dear sister in Christ, whom if it wasn’t for her by the grace of God, all of the memories above would be erased, gone, never have happened. Wouldn’t be celebrating an anniversary today. Wouldn’t have 5 of these kids today. Life would be very, very different. Pam knew that. 

Pamela Devitt is a saint. Pam and Terry entered into our lives in 2005. This was about 3 years into our marriage...just as it was spinning wildly out of control into an inevitable disaster of an end. From all likely outcomes, it looked like divorce, heartache, split family, years of picking up the pieces, and trying to start over with less of a foundation than before. Pam was bold enough to step into our lives and not let this happen.

This sister in Christ, this dear saint (along with her husband Terry), pointed Amber and I to scripture, to Christ, helping us understand what marriage was, and more importantly who we were in Him. Our marital foundation before had been built on sand, on the lusts of the world, and on Hollywood projections of marriage. Not upon Christ and his bride, the church. Pam and Terry spent months into years investing in our life. Without God’s grace shining through Pam, I am certain the top paragraph of this post would not exist. She lovingly served Amber and I in a way in which we will never forget and forever be grateful. And she lived in such a way, all the way, to the end. Helping others. Loving others.

Pam is a dear saint and she will be missed tremendously. But our reunion in Heaven will be so wonderful, so joyful, and everlasting. I am certain she is spreading joy and seeing the fruit of her labor here on earth. Well done, good and faithful servant. We love you and Terry and will see you soon. 

With love, in Christ,

Derrick and Amber

A Very Awesome Marriage Ministry

Mendourmarriage.com
David and Amanda Taylor

"We are saying that having a strong fruitful marriage where joy, peace and love are all intimate components is less about love and more about knowledge. Marriages are destroyed because of a lack of knowledge. No one teaches marriage...no one teaches you how to love properly. We believe that it is the knowledge of how to be married that holds the foundation of the family together. We believe that if we can heal marriages...we can literally change the world..."

http://beckythompson.com/2016/02/14/an-honest-valentine-for-my-husband/

http://beckythompson.com/2016/02/14/an-honest-valentine-for-my-husband/

http://beckythompson.com/2016/02/14/an-honest-valentine-for-my-husband/

Quote from Mike Huckabee on Marriage

One of the reasons so many marriages fail is that couples have accepted the myth that the purpose of marriage is to be happy. If the expectations for a marriage arise from a sentimental love story filled with constant excitement, adventure, and romance, the couple is headed for disappointment. By saying the purpose of marriage is not to be happy, I’m not suggesting the primary goal of marriage is misery. The purpose of marriage is to establish a relationship in which we learn to love another person in the sacrificial and unselfish manner that God loves us. Source: Living Beyond Your Lifetime, by Mike Huckabee, p. 37-41 , Oct 1, 2000

Our 10-year Anniversary!

We celebrated our 10-year Wedding Anniversary on June 29th. It was such an amazing day. I am so thankful for God's amazing grace and the work He has done in our life together. Ten years ago we had a very short engagement. We had been together less than 5 months before we were married! There was still a lot of "getting to know each other" going on when we first married. There are wonderful memories but we also had rocky beginnings. If it were not for the grace of God we would not still be the intact family we are today. If we hadn't understood God's unconditional forgiveness of us, we ourselves, would not have been able to forgive. Derrick had been planning this anniversary for over a year and I had no idea. The morning started with breakfast in bed! He went to Ihop and got us omelets with fruit! That was a lot of fun. The kids slept through the whole breakfast we enjoyed. ;) In the afternoon Derrick had to go up to the base and work on something for a little bit. When he got back I left "the bigs" with him and took "the littles" with me to run some errands and go to the grocery store. If I had known how big a day this was I wouldn't have stayed gone so long and make sure they and I had good naps before the grandparents came to watch the kids! I went to rent a movie for the kids to watch and was going to order pizza for them but Derrick told me not to and that his parents would take care of it. To back up a bit, a month or so before Derrick took my ring to be cleaned and resized because it has always been a little tight on my finger (especially when my hands swell in pregnancy). They also fixed a prong and I got my ring back. About a week and a half before Derrick told me to buy a new dress. He said semi-formal for our date. The dress I chose was actually a little more casual than that. But, if I had known the occasion and how big of a deal it was...;) I am really glad I didn't and that he surprised me though because it was perfect as it was. I like surprises. To back up a little further we had talked about renewing our vows before because of our difficult beginnings. Derrick and I got dressed and he was dressier than I was. He asked if I had something more semi-formalish because I had not shown him the dress I picked until then. I said I could possibly wear the black and white semi-formal dress I wore to the Military Semi-formal event if he could zip it over my growing belly. It actually did fit! But, he's got this thing with black. I love to wear black and brown and he likes to see a little color. I think the dress looked great but he said I should wear the other one I picked out. It was blue up top and all different colors on bottom. So, I put that one back on. The grandparents showed up with Aunt Kay Kay and we left. But before that, he opened the truck door for me and gave me 10 longstemmed beautiful roses! I enjoyed every bit of being pampered like that! ;) We went to Molly's Landing in Catoosa. It was very unique! I really enjoyed it there. Also very expensive. Derrick said to pick out whatever I wanted. I thought about the $30 filet but just could not do it. I picked the almost $20 chicken with sauteed mushrooms, salad, and a baked potato. I had Lemonade mixed with tea. Derrick had the best Chai I have ever tasted and a Seafood platter. If we ever go back we should split a meal. Hopefully not seafood though because I'm not much of a "seafood person"! We gave each other gifts after dinner. I gave mine to him first. I explained the gift in the card- "the peanuts- elephant food" "the olives-olive juice" "the pen- a symbol of writing the rest of our story together" On our honeymoon he had given me a jar of olives, peanuts, and a little framed picture of the Love chapter in 2Corinthians. Elephant food and olive juice sound like,"I love you." He has been wanting a nice fountain pen for a while so I got him a good quality one. I also wrote some other things in his card. Then came my gift~which I was totally unprepared for~! First he pulled out his bible. He began reading from Ephesians 5 and then he opened a box with a ring (that fits onto my wedding ring) and asked if I would do it all again. I was SO surprised! Then he took me to our church and we renewed our vows in front of family! Afterward we had a reception at my mom's house where we had snacks, cake, and sparkling apple cider. Derrick planning all of this was incredibly sweet. The kids also came up and said vows to us that they would honor and obey us. Again, if I had known what we were doing that day I would have made sure the two little ones had naps and were well rested. They were wild up on stage and had some antics of their own. Derrick reminded me the next day that it is a picture of our life together- that we need to honor our vows even in the midst of chaos sometimes. ;) Since we were a little distracted by them we also said our vows to each other again (just us) that morning. Here is how the ceremony went: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1) Entrance: • Ted & Derrick walk down, then the girls, followed by Bailey & Amber • Pam Devitt plays “Give Thanks” 2) Ted: Welcome We are here this evening Derrick and Amber to publicly reaffirm their marriage vows before God, one another, and their family and friends. Marriage is not merely a social convention or a convenient legal arrangement. God Himself created the covenant of marriage, as culminating act of His creation, by bringing the woman to the man as his complement and companion. And God said they were to be as it were one person. In doing so He established the significance of the marriage relationship (lifelong, completely united, inseparable). Derrick and Amber, 10 years ago you promised one another that you would live together in marriage. But by your own admission, you both neither fully understood nor fully honored those vows. But, now as you have grown in your relationship with Christ, you have come to understand God’s full design and purpose for marriage, and by His Spirit residing in you, you have the desire to fulfill those vows you made, and to pledge before God to seek to reflect in your marriage the biblical picture of the love between Christ and His people, the Church. I want to talk more about that in just a minute, but first, I want to ask Pastor Terry Devitt to come and reflect on the change that has come about in your lives. 3) Terry Devitt – reflection on growth / change in Hildebrant’s marriage 4) Ted: Ephesians 5 picture Before you restate your vows to one another, let me speak for a minute about God’s purpose for marriage. God’s Word tells us that there were several purposes for marriage. 1) For Companionship and Enjoyment – it is not good for man to be alone, so God made woman. Not just for companionship alone, but also for enjoyment of one another in the fullness and richness of the marriage relationship 2) To extend the human race through the bearing and training of children (He said we were doing a good job of that and everyone laughed. ;) ) 3) That this family would form the foundational building block of all society All marriages fulfill these purposes to one degree or another. But the Bible tells us that there is another, special purpose for marriage. To be a living, moving, breathing, active picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and His people, the Church. The reason we know this is that God speaks in Ephesians 5 of this correlation between husbands and wives and Christ and the church… (READ Eph 5:25-33,23-24. Christ in this picture is represented by the Husband (like Derrick) – He selected for Himself a bride, gives Himself fully for her and to her, continually pursuing her, making every provision for her, protecting her, tenderly drawing her up close to Himself that she may be always with Him. This is how Jesus Christ relates to His people. Even while we were sinners, Jesus Christ came from heaven to die for us. He bore our sins as He died on the tree, so that the punishment our sins deserved might be paid for by His sacrifice. This is true love and compassion that Jesus has for His own. Christ’s followers are pictured as a Bride, like Amber, though she is not perfect, she is beautiful in her husband’s eyes, giving herself fully to her husband, devoting herself to His purposes… This is how men and women are called to respond to Jesus. Responding to Him in faith, turning from their sins, and devoting themselves to Him as their Lord and Savior, and living their lives for His purposes. Not out of a sense of trying to earn His love, but in response to the way in which Jesus has loved them. Derrick and Amber, God has opened your eyes to the love of God in Christ, and you both have embraced Jesus Christ in this way. The new heart He has given you allows you to truly love and serve one another with joy and gladness. This is what is possible for everyone who embraces Jesus Christ, and it is on this basis that you are going to renew your vows today, echoing the unique calling for each of you in your role as a husband and as a wife. 5) Derrick – vows I Derrick, pledge to you Amber… (1) to sacrificially love you and daily give myself up for you as Christ does the church (5.25), (2) to purify you and build you up in God’s holy Word (5.26), (3) to treasure you as my crown and jewel as Christ does with the church (5:27), (4) to love you as my own body by nourishing and cherishing you and our marriage (5.28-29). 6) Amber – vows I Amber, pledge to you Derrick… (1) to submit to you my husband, as to the Lord (5.22), (2) to honor you as the head of the family, as Christ is the head of the church (5.23), (3) and to respect you as my husband, even as I do Christ (5.33, 24). 7) Kids: Say vows (below) and give more flowers to Amber Bailey, Samantha, Isabella, Olivia, will you seek to… (1) to obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right? (2) to honor your father and mother that you may receive God’s blessings in this life? …if so, say, I will. 8) Derrick/Amber (join hands with kids): pray for marriage & family 9) Ted: Blessing / Benediction Derrick & Amber, and children, May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you. May the Spirit of Jesus who dwells within you continue to give you the desire and the strength to honor these vows you have made, and give you great joy as you do! 10) Derrick, it is customary at weddings after stating such binding vows for the new husband to kiss his bride. Though this is not a wedding, I think it is a good custom anyway – Derrick, you may kiss your bride! 11) Derrick and Amber want to invite all of you to a reception at Linda Adams house. Come up here and congratulate them!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This was truly romantic! Supposed romance that many modern movies try to portray as true romance cannot hold a candle to an imperfect person that humbly asks forgiveness and desires by the grace of God to change. Although, the movie, "Fireproof" showed this. It showed their flaws and fallenness and Caleb got on his knees and humbly asked God to forgive him, his wife to forgive him, and God worked in his heart to bring about change and make him be more Christlike. It was then that he truly began to love his wife.

Want to add some sweetness to your marriage?

My friend, Kelly (teachandtickle.blogspot.com and, yes, I am mentioning her yet again ;)), has something really sweet on her blog. It is titled, "100 Things About Me" and it was 100 things written about her by her husband. I thought it was an incredibly sweet thing to do for someone and decided to do it for Derrick a year or so ago. He ended up writing one for me some time after that, as he was really touched by his. It made me feel so special. Not too long ago, I was organizing some things and found it again. I was moved as I read it again and framed a page of it. Now I read it quite a bit. I highly suggest spouses to do this for each other. You learn things that you didn't even realize the other person even thought or noticed of you. I periodically go back to Derrick's and add new numbers to present at a later time. I think it also helps us to remember how blessed we are to have each other. It is, after all, good to keep good accounts of each other rather than bad ones. Here are some excerpts from mine to give you an idea and to share some things about myself with you. Some of them are sweet, some funny...

1. Amber loves to cook.
5. You carry a little Bible in your purse with gum.
6. Your dream is to teach the kids His ways.
12. You are a Bueno head and love party burritos
13. You don't like change.
14. You handled the Bueno close better than I thought you would. (They tore ours down in our town but, thankfully, built a new and even nicer one in time.)
24. You read 12 books at a time so I never know what you're reading.
27. You like surprises.
28. You like to make special moments special.
29. You think I forget them but I don't.
34. You love to be outside with your family.
35. You love walks.
36. You like the door open when it rains so you can hear.
40. You have a God-centered worldview.
64. You think it is cold just about every night...sometimes it is cold.
75. You want people you know to know the Lord.
87. You speak with your hands.
90. You have an all or nothing personality.
92. You wanted to name our first child Rafe. (Guess you can figure out he didn't go for that seeing that our first child's name is Bailey!)

I left some of my favorite comments out but there you have it!

Our "flying date"

Derrick took me flying this past weekend. It was so much fun! I even got to steer the plane some! He did good and I was amazed at what he has accomplished. We flew to Stillwater and took one of the airport's vehicles to Mexico Joe's. We went there when Derrick was going to OSU and have even driven to eat there since we got married. The food was really good, as usual. On the way back we could see the City of Faith when were more than 20 minutes away from it. It will take me awhile to get used to the wheels hitting the runway when we land! :)

My surprise from Derrick!

Yesterday Derrick called and asked what my plans were for the day. It was the last day of co-op and after lunch I had to take Isabella to the dr. I told him that I needed to hurry home so I could start cooking and cleaning for Samantha's birthday party. He said not to come home and that he would clean for me. So, we stayed gone until we met my gma Bobber and Papa Mitchell to go to dinner for my birthday (Sam's is on the 12th, mine the 9th). I unwrapped presents at their house including some yummy, yummy soap and lotion in a holder from Mikaela (Japanese Cherry Blossom from Bath and Body works). We went to Casa Bonita and that was a lot of fun. I won't tell you the embarrassing number of how many sopapillas I ate! We sat in the cave and I saw Bailey's eyes brighten when we were walking in to be seated! At one point Derrick noticed Sam was unusually quiet during dinner. We found that it was due to the fact that she had a bowl of queso in her lap and was licking it off of her fingers. She eventually dipped chips in the cheese and proceeded to just lick it off without eating the chip.
Back at home Derrick forbid me to go into our room. I knew he had a birthday surprise for me and I thought, "Oh, wow! He's painting the bathroom!" This is something he knew I really wanted. I had no idea what I was going to step into when he finally emerged (sweating) from the room he had been working so hard in. He was disappointed that he couldn't show me a finished product but said he'd be up until 5 a.m. if he finished. Before we went in he said, "Now, don't panic! There's going to be some things out of place but I know how to put them back." I marveled at the new tile he had put in and the paint. Then I said, "The toilet is in the bathtub!?" He again assured me he could put it back and apologized that I saw it unfinished. I said, "No, this is priceless to see the toilet in the bathtub and I wouldn't have wanted to miss seeing this!" Plus, I got more of a picture of how hard he worked. He went all out! I couldn't believe it when I saw the floor too. Then he showed me a whole bunch of other things like new rugs, a shower curtain and hooks, some drawers, towel hangers, a fancy shower curtain holder, a new toilet seat...He always gives me the greatest surprises! The first year of marriage he enlisted his mom and Mitchell to bring a treadmill (that he knew I really wanted) for Christmas. Not too long ago he surprised me with a new car! Now, that was fun and a very funny story too because he and the car salesman tricked me! I only wish I could surprise him with a new truck or something. I always try to win drawings for them but I think it just gives telemarketers a chance to call though! ;)
So, he was so busy with that the house never did get cleaned and I stayed up until 1 a.m. just cooking for the party. This morning I cleaned a little but didn't have time to do everything. Ryan and Dana were the first to arrive and they cleaned like crazy! Ryan did my sink of dishes! That was incredibly sweet. I went to scrub the sink and he said, "I'll do that. My hands are already dirty." They brought me a package of my favorite tea, Caramel Apple Torte (Teavana) and my gma brought some she had made too. My mom brought her yummy baked beans, a beautiful bunch of peonies (maybe they are my favorite flower. I LOVE them and the smell), and a really great present. After the party my mother-in-law cleaned the kitchen faster than I could even notice to try and stop her! I am feeling very blessed right about now! I'm sure Samantha is too! I made her a pink stawberry "princess" cake that she wanted with a tiara and princess on it. She had so much fun opening her presents and the kids had fun busting a big and pretty pink pinata. After the party we spent time playing with her presents before we rested. Tonight we will go to dinner.

I have to say this again!

You should see Fireproof if you haven't! Fireproof is at the video stores. Derrick & I got it last night (thank you, Barb!) & we watched it again! Derrick said some of his buddies got it too and have watched it 2 or 3 times and have cried. If you haven't seen it yet you should go rent it or anyone is welcome to borrow it from us. We watched all the extras on it and some of those were really funny. It has a music video on it of "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns (the one I'm playing first on the playlist). The words are so fitting for the movie, "People never crumble in a day...families never crumble in a day...it's a slow fade." It talks about the choices we make and how little by little they can destroy us.

Six Reasons Why the Movie "Fireproof" is IMPORTANT

Six Reasons Why the Movie "Fireproof" is IMPORTANT

Loving a Person

I have been listening to a Sara Groves c.d., "Add to the Beauty." There is a song called Loving a Person. I love both the song and the lyrics.

"Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing. It takes some time to see things through. Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting. We need grace either way. Hold on to me. I'll hold on to you. Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through. There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying. It's a vulnerable place to be. Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces, baby. Only one makes you free. Hold on to me. I'll hold on to you. Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through. If we go looking for offense, we're going to find it. If we go looking for real love, we're going to find it. Hold on to me. I'll hold on to you. Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through. Loving a person just the way they are that's no small thing. It's the whole thing. Loving me just the way I am it's no small thing. It takes some time."

The part about looking for offense, I think, is so true. You can choose to be offended at many things or you can choose to overlook offense. My former pastor's wife always said we should not be easily offended. But, if you go looking for real love, you're going to find it. The whole c.d. is good and I also especially like a song from it called "Something Changed." It's from the movie, The Ultimate Gift, which I also love. If you haven't seen it, you should rent it!

True love

This has always been a subject I have loved. After all, I did write a senior paper with a crazy title of something like, "The concept of true love: A comparison of the transformation from the 60's, 70's, 80's, & 90's "(remember, mom? She had to help me throw it together last minute! ;) ) Anyway, I thought I had it all figured out before I got married! But, I soon realized I was just beginning to learn (and still am)! I used to view marriage as what I was going to get out of it! How sweet he would be to me... It was a very self-centered way of thinking. I now know that God's ways are higher and that it is best to look out for the interests of others and to prefer them over ourselves. And I have learned that I need to get the "plank" out of my own eye so that I can see clearly to get the "speck" out of my brother's eye (Matthew 7:3) I still remember the words my brother, Ryan, said to me long before Derrick was in the picture. He said, "Amber, man will fail you every time! The only person you can put your trust in that will not fail you is God." You see, I had been thinking that a man was going to complete me! I know now that only God can fill that place. I now see such beauty in loving the unlovely (an imperfect human being such as myself). What I mean by that is loving someone and accepting them with their faults as well. It's easy to love the lovely. Jesus calls us to love even our enemies as well. And I know I was struck with awe that the God of the universe would accept and forgive me. How can I not forgive when I have been forgiven so much? Don't get me wrong, there is definitely a place for romance! ;) Just before we got married, Derrick said that we would grow and that we would love each other more. I looked around and I didn't agree with that! I thought the beginning warm, fuzzy stuff was going to be the best. But, with every passing year of marriage we grow closer and I see he was right! But, the beauty of it is that our trials are what God has used to grow us closer to Himself and to each other. I still stand amazed by that!

A nice breakfast

Early this morning the kids decided to make a mama sandwich out of me and were in bed next to me (one on each side) so close that my arms had fallen asleep. Derrick had gone for an eaaarly run with the guys. I thought I'd sleep in this morning since our fall break is this week and Derrick had taken the week off work. But, something better awaited me because Derrick had prepared us breakfast and came and woke us up. He made eggs with cheese, raisin bread with apricot jam, and turkey bacon. He even got orange juice with extra extra pulp in it (my favorite)! Bay got chocolate milk and Samantha got strawberry milk (pink!). They were cold so Derrick brought them their blankets. It was nice. God has blessed me with a good man! I remember a week or so ago feeling so good walking away from that movie, Fireproof, and thinking, "I'm living that dream!" What God did in Kirk's life in the movie he has done in our own lives. I stand amazed.

Is Pastor John in Love with His Wife? :: Desiring God Christian Resource Library

Is Pastor John in Love with His Wife? :: Desiring God Christian Resource Library

Marriage: Forgiving and Forbearing :: Desiring God Christian Resource Library

Marriage: Forgiving and Forbearing :: Desiring God Christian Resource Library

Fireproof!!!!

Derrick and I just got back from watching the movie, Fireproof, that Kirk Cameron stars in. It was awesome!!! I strongly suggest you go see it if you have not already! I am having trouble now deciding whether that or Facing the Giants is my favorite movie! I cannot tell you how good they are! They were both written by brothers/pastors from a church called Sherwood Baptist in Georgia. Also, we went to the fair earlier and the kids and I got a funnel cake sundae (suggested by Uncle Jaared)! It was sooooo good! If you are going to the fair these last couple of days you should totally get one! Don't mind the price! It's worth it! ;) I am so going to put pictures of it on here soon! Only, it will be sad because the fair will be over and there won't be a chance for one for a whole year!

Our date

I cannot tell you how nice this was! Here are pictures of the kids when we dropped them off, a picture of what we ate, and a picture of them riding jet skis on the driveway when we were leaving to go home. Derrick and I went to the Riverwalk. We attempted to go to a couple of nice restaurants (Los Cabos was one) but the waits were from 45min.-1 hour! We still had a good dinner though! We ate gyros and tabouli on tables outside and then I got chocolate hazelnut/ espresso gelato and Derrick got coffee. We got to walk around the river before we went to watch our movie. We realized we could come anytime (with the kids) and do everything except the movie. They had a splash pad for the kids and they would love that! It was such a good time. Of course I love anything outdoors and near water and with Derrick!